|
Something to write about.
Preclude: I've been at the community college in my home town for 9 years of struggling with my academics. After all that time, I am now at university taking music classes to study so I can get my teaching degree. To sum what's happen these one and a half months, everything is new and I feel a bit out of place.
We got our writing portfolio back from midterms in class. It was funny because I put the whole thought of getting a grade out of my mind. Before the teacher gave us are portfolio back, he told us that only 12 people out of 25 people received a "Exceeds Expectation" mark. The others got, "Meets Expectations, Approaching Expectation, and Does Not Meet Expectations. It was after that announcement, that my whole body was over come with absolute fear. I kind of excepted the worst if anything at all.
The teacher put the portfolio of all my work so far that term right right in front of me. I opened it and was was just dumbfounded of the marks that I received. "Exceeds Expectation," in all marks; Writing process, Focus, Development, Organization, Style and Mechanics. I can't even describe the pure raw emotions that hit me. I was so shaken up by this that man hand were shaking horribly and tears welled up in my eyes.
All those years of being in special education. All those years of failed or barely passing writing classes. All of those years that the good minded special education teacher told my mom that, "he will never make it in college." All of those years of my dad calling me an "idiot" and a "dummy." All those nine long years of struggling with community college. All these 28 years ... those things are over.
I know that this might not ever happen again and may not mean some thing to others but to me, my mind is blown. I guess I have all this to thank to all those years of writing on the internet. From the old TWC forms from EGS to this very Livejournal and the frends I've talked to on (and off) of AIM. I have you to thank.
I think it's time that I write once again... |
|
There is a side of me that I have to keep locked up, my dark side. When I tell people that I do have one it really creeps them out and rightly so. It's the part of me that wishes that I was somewhere else when I'm around adults or adult like people. When I was growing up I was a very quite child. I didn't talk much and did what I was told and that never bothered me. What did bother me what when they adult type people start interacting. It was so boring! All they go on and on about is interactions. Who dated who. What was on that tv program. What did their kid do. The list keeps going on and on. And now I've reached a certain age now, my peers have kind of slipped into aduitims. It's like I'm always wrong and they are always write. Is it any wonder that I've now become ani-scolcal? Maybe it's because I don't crave their "positive-nagitve" reinforcement and them push them away because of it. It could be that they can be out right hateful to other people behind there backs.
The point of the mater is that I've have changed and I feel like this is a good thing. I'm no longer an weak person. I'm more stronger emotionally and still I have love in my heart! What haven't changed is the people around me in this town. They still treat me as I am. Insecure, weak, and dumb. There are a few that I can relate to but I can never feel that I can truly revail my heart to them. Nearly every time to do show my heart to them it gets town back at me and of course I look like the idiot. I don't have anybody that I can truly "be my self" around and it makes me sad. I guess what I'm trying to say is while I do get along with people and love them I kind of wish that there was someone that would get along with me. I guess I have my self to blame as well. I push people away. I don't know why I do it but I do. If I've ever did this to anyone reading this, I can not express my apology.
I love webcomics , anime, music, and love! My love for some of these things are so deep that it kind of hurts. When the people that I'm around don't feel the same way about music and comics it breaks my heart . I guess it's time that I do move out of this town. I do love everyone with all my heart but I have to leave. My heart needs it and my sowl needs it as sad as that sounds. I may never find what I'm looking for when I do leave but I feel that if I don't I will slow lose myself. I only two and a half months away... |
|
I've been spending some the last few weeks thinking what I should do with my life as of now. The problems stems from the fact that I've done everything I've wanted to do in life at the age of 27. Now I left thinking, what now? I tried to start making comics and fished writing 10 chapters mapped out. This is good but I don't have the time to draw them and when I do, well, I'm too burn out from doing life stuffs that I don't want to anything creative. I've been leaning the bass girtar but haven't practice for the aforementioned reasons. More to the point I feel like I'm waiting down the clock until I move from this town and go to the next college. More to the point, I've gotten lazy with life.
So for the past few days I been sick. And what do sick people do when get sick? Catch up on Webcomics they haven't read in years! And it was then when I was reading these webcomics that I realize somethings.
Now that all my dreams are accomplished there's nothing to live for and it just time to go thought it waiting for the end....
...
...
Until I realized, I've never beat FF1.
I've played it but never beat it.
So I know what my next purpose in life is. To beat all the Final fantasy games from FF1-FF10 this summer.
Awesome for me! ^^ |
|
I was in an accident a few months back in which I lost a part of my tooth. A few days ago it started to hurt and so I saw a dentist that I knew from symphony. (He played bass). So when I was there he found out that the tooth next that that one was broken as well. So he took it both of them out and let me keep them.
So there I was trying to wait for the pain killers to work and looked at my teeth broken up in peaces. So I thought that would be fun to draw with my wacom. So you get this;
Now the pain is manged with pain killers and becuse of that I feel happy now. ^_^
|
| » I LOVES MY WACOM!!!! |
|---|
I got my wacom (Intuos2) from the mail Today. I have to say that I love this thing! It's just like drawing on paper. It's so great. I know it sounds funny but I feel like it's got me back into drawing once again. I think the best motivator is the fact that I don't have to draw, trace, erase, and scan. I'm saving 2-3 hours. Super Yay! ^_^
So to celebrate I drew this;
This is from the comic project that I've been mapping out. Her name is Krystal.
I've also got to learn how to draw better hands. -_-;
May. 1st, 2009 @ 12:57 am
|
| » I got draw stuffs! |
|---|
I ordered an wacom intuos2 on ebay. It should be soon. I can't wait!
Also I'm thinking about drawing bad art again. I have a project that I would like to work on. We'll see how that will go down. ^^;
Apr. 28th, 2009 @ 02:03 pm
|
| » Dream amp and bass stuff! |
|---|
I've been playing the electice bass for about 6 months now and have fell in love with the insternt. I've been taking lessins from a really good teacher and been practicing everyday. I've even played with the church band. I also played the upright bass (with a bow) in the youth symopony.
Well, something funny came up. For whatever reason I've got a lot to jobs this month with the theater center to run sound and lights for a number of shows. To make a long story short, I'm going to make about $600 this month on top of the $500 I normal make from the college. (I know I'm poor). So this idea hit me like a ton of briks, get a bass amp!
My main plan is to sell my self as a basses when I get started at EOU in about 5 months. That could be fun right?
Anyways here is my dream amp that I'm going to get soon.
bass-guitars.musiciansfriend.com/product/Ashdown-MAG-C410T300-Combo-Bass-Amp
Apr. 20th, 2009 @ 11:49 am
|
| » No lie!! |
|---|
I was shopping for food stuffs and I noted that a little girl say to her mom;
Mom, can we get some mushroom, mushrooms?
Then this song popped in my mind and so it beings once again....
It never ends. X_X;
Mar. 27th, 2009 @ 06:35 pm
|
| » Break is so great!! |
|---|
It seems like my life ended when this school term started.
So we enter spring brake mode and I didn't mostly do anything today and I'll tell you how great that felt.
WOOt for brake!! ^_^
Mar. 23rd, 2009 @ 04:24 am
|
| » My dream realized! Week 1 |
|---|
(Part 1/3)
(Part 2/3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViMCLhivVMc
(Part 3/3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymtZk-T1xkI
That's me conducting our first rehearsal for the symphony. This has been something that I've wanted to do for 4 years and now I get the chance. Yay!! ^_^
We were sigh reading for the first time so it will get a lot better as we go. Also Bob allowed me to boword his camcorder so I’m thinking to doing a video were I go all around my town and stuff. Tell me what you think.
Mar. 20th, 2009 @ 08:39 pm
|
| » 2008 stuff. |
|---|
Major Kerina did one of these and it looked like fun so I tryed it as well! ^_^
( Lot's of text! )
Jan. 2nd, 2009 @ 01:01 am
|
| » New year 2009 |
|---|
I was wondering what the best way I could bring the new year was... and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Rocky-o-thon!
All the Rockys back to back from Rocky 6
This will be a great year. ^_^
Jan. 2nd, 2009 @ 12:09 am
|
| » Good by, sucky year of suck and hello new year of awesomeness! |
|---|
I sure hope the new year doesn't make my lose my mind like this year did.
I kind of like my mind the way it is.
Happy new year everyone and may it be filled with love and awesomeness! ^_^
Dec. 31st, 2008 @ 12:46 am
|
| » My sister got married today. |
|---|
I got a call from my mom and saying that my sister is getting married today.
We went down to the court house and they we were all there and they got married.
My sister is 18 and not even though high school and he quit high school and now in the army.
My dad and I think he treats her with disrespect.
My mom is super happy for them.
I'm scared for them.
Oh my, Oh my....
Dec. 30th, 2008 @ 07:52 pm
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cowbellman's journal